Chapter 2: Autumn

From the window, the sunlit side of the high-rise across the way was so bright it almost hurt to look at. The typhoon three days ago had swept away the long summer, and a crisp, pleasant autumn had arrived.

After finishing his fourth newspaper, Kuki leaned back in his chair and let his gaze drift to the sun-washed window.

It was almost eleven, and the room was quiet except for the female secretary near the door, clattering away at her typewriter.

Kuki's research room was at the far end of the hallway to the right of the sixth-floor elevators. Six desks were arranged in pairs around the center of the room, and a small reception area had been set off near the door.

Kuki came to work here at ten every morning.

There were four men and one woman in the research room, and the female staff member also handled secretarial duties.

Suzuki, three years older than Kuki, was in charge of compiling the company's history. Yokoyama, a year older, handled the company's records and statistics. And there was Muramatsu, two years younger than Kuki, who was assigned to developing a new dictionary.

There were no fixed quotas or deadlines for any of these jobs.

Kuki was responsible for editing the history of the Showa era, and he still had not really started it.

In short, everyone here had been sent to the sidelines, part of the so-called window-side crew, so there was no sense of urgency in coming to work. They had time to kill and nowhere to spend it.

At first Kuki was not used to the lazy atmosphere here and felt almost restless, but after half a year he had settled into it and no longer paid much attention to the people around him.

Today was no different. After arriving at the office and finding nothing pressing to do, Kuki read the daily papers he always looked at, smoked a cigarette, and then turned his eyes to the window.

Beyond the sunlit high-rises, the clouds formed two parallel bands, as if they had been brushed on with a paintbrush, and the leading edge of the drifting white cloud seemed to trace the shape of a tilted hash mark.

As he looked out at the silent sky, Rinko's snow-white body rose again in Kuki's mind, and in his ears he could almost hear her moans, thick with pleasure.

On such a peaceful, clear autumn day, he probably was the only one thinking so hard about women.

Kuki was bored out of his mind now. If he were as busy as he had been before, rushing from meetings to talks to paperwork all day long, he would not keep thinking of Rinko this often.

He stared for a while at the white clouds drifting across the autumn sky, then suddenly got to his feet.

Some of the others were reading, some were fiddling with computers, and no one noticed Kuki's movement.

He left the room, passed the elevators, opened the door to the stairwell, and stepped inside.

What Kuki had been thinking about while staring at the autumn sky was calling Rinko. At this hour, she was usually at home by herself.

Once he closed the door leading back to the hallway, the stairwell was empty except for Kuki. He took out his phone.

The irony was that the phone he had been issued back when he was a department head, because he was always busy, was now being used for whispered conversations with Rinko.

He pulled out the short antenna, dialed Rinko's home number, and almost immediately heard her voice.

"Hello, it's me."

Rinko seemed to guess at once that it was Kuki calling. After a brief reply, Kuki checked the area again to make sure no one was nearby, then lowered his voice and said, "I suddenly wanted to hear your voice."

"You're at the office, aren't you?"

"Yeah. But when I think about you, I get worked up..."

"What are you thinking about?"

"I feel like the shape of the white clouds is just like your body..."

"Don't be ridiculous. It's broad daylight."

"I miss you so much."

"Stop letting your mind run wild."

"Do you want to go to Kamakura again?"

It had been almost half a month since their last overnight stay at the Kamakura hotel.

After they returned from Kamakura, Kuki's biggest worry had been Rinko's family. How would a husband take it if his wife stayed out two nights in a row?

Kuki could not put it out of his mind, so the next day he called Rinko to ask, and she simply answered, "It's fine."

If things were really, as Rinko said, perfectly all right, then it was a strangely odd family.

Either her husband was far too soft, or Rinko was very good at handling him. In any case, nothing had happened, and Kuki had finally breathed easier.

If they stayed out overnight again, Rinko's side would still be a concern.

"There's a torchlit Noh performance in Kamakura this Thursday."

Kuki had heard that they staged torchlit Noh every autumn at Kamakura's Daito Palace, but he had never gone even once.

"If you want to go, I'll get tickets."

"I want to see it."

Rinko answered without hesitation.

"Are you sure that's okay?"

"I don't know. I just want to go."

This time, too, Rinko's answer was quick and clear. What she meant was that it did not matter whether she left home and went out on her own; if she wanted to go, she would go.

"All right. I'll book them right away."

"It's still three days away."

Rinko realized she had been too blunt and changed her wording. "I'll hold out. You can hold out too, can't you?"

"Yeah."

Kuki and his wife had long since lost any warmth between them.

Rinko said, with a faint edge of irritation, "It's your fault for turning me into this."

After Kuki finished the call and returned to the room, the female employee told him that someone named Ikegawa had just called for him.

Among Kuki's friends, there was only one Ikegawa, so it had to be the director of the culture center.

This time Kuki did not use his cell phone. He called back from the room, and fortunately Ikegawa was there. He said he would be downtown that evening and wanted to meet Kuki.

Kuki arranged to meet him at six at a small restaurant in Ginza, then hung up.

The room was as idle as ever. Suzuki stretched lazily, and the other four stared at him in silence.

"What beautiful weather. Perfect golf weather. Not too hot, not too cold."

Everyone agreed with Suzuki. Lately, Kuki had not been golfing at all.

When he was a department head, he went once a week, but after becoming idle he hardly went anymore.

Partly that was because he had fewer social obligations, but the main reason was that without real work to do, golf was not very interesting. That sort of pastime only felt rewarding when it gave you a break from being busy. Of course, there were people like Suzuki who knew how to make full use of their free time and genuinely enjoyed golf.

"If you get mentally sluggish, that's when trouble starts."

Suzuki did not know Kuki was wrapped up in his affair with Rinko, but he always gave him advice like that.

Love made people younger far more than golf did. Kuki only thought that to himself; he could never say it aloud.

The group kept chatting like that, and by noon they all left the office almost impatiently.

Most of them went to the company cafeteria in the basement, while Kuki often ate at a soba shop not far from the office.

Sometimes he ran into former subordinates there, and whenever that happened, Kuki always felt a little awkward, and so did they.

Recently Kuki had felt a little more relaxed, so he often took the initiative and exchanged a few greetings.

That evening, Kuki met Ikegawa at a small place tucked into an alley in Ginza. Ikegawa used to come here often, and he was startled by how the place had recently been renovated.

"It's completely changed. I hardly recognize it."

The size of the shop had not changed much, but the black, glossy counter and tables had been replaced with plain wood, and there were more seats than before. It looked very different.

"It's so bright now it almost hurts."

The regulars missed the old atmosphere, but new customers liked it this way, and the owner simply laughed off Ikegawa's complaints.

"They changed it for the worse."

In a little place like this, drinking and saying whatever you wanted was fine. The two of them ordered the chef's recommended amberjack sashimi and a casserole of simmered dishes, then started with a round of beer.

"It's been a while since I drank in Ginza."

"Tonight's on me. I still owe you."

"That's true. Then I have to drink my fill tonight."

Kuki meant the fee he had received for his lecture at the culture center. Ikegawa meant his affair with Rinko.

"So how's that calligraphy lady of yours?"

Caught off guard by the question, Kuki hurriedly took a drink of beer.

"Are you still seeing her?"

"Yeah, every so often..."

"I never expected you to move that fast. The moment I realized how dangerous it was, it was already too late."

Ikegawa had met Rinko through Kuki, so about two months after Kuki and Rinko began seeing each other, he told him they were involved.

"The other day she came to the center. I thought she looked even more alluring than before."

Rinko's regular-script class had ended, so maybe she had some business there and came to the center with another calligraphy instructor.

"Still, you should know when to stop. It's a sin to drag a woman like that into it."

Ikegawa was warning Kuki not to pull an innocent, pure-hearted married woman into the world of obsession and madness.

His intentions were good, of course, but the idea that women were helpless objects manipulated by men looked respectful on the surface and was really just a way of treating women as beings without wills of their own.

It was not as if Kuki alone had seduced Rinko and forced her into this situation.

Where there is mutual feeling, there is mutual desire. If love is not shared by both sides, it cannot really happen.

Kuki was not defending himself. When he drew close to Rinko, she was looking for something too. Maybe it was not a clearly defined search for love or for a man, but there was no doubt that she felt some kind of dissatisfaction.

Once they started seeing each other, Rinko avoided talking about her family altogether. Even when the conversation naturally turned that way, she only gave a vague answer, saying, "It isn't happy staying at home..." and that was enough to make the point.

Looking at how things developed afterward, it was true that the man had been more active at first, but the woman had not rejected him either. Now both of them were equally involved, and the woman's desire seemed even stronger.

Of course Ikegawa would never understand those subtle details.

As Kuki poured him a cup of the hot sake that had just arrived, he asked, "Did she say anything?"

"No. There were other instructors nearby, so it wasn't easy to talk. She looked like she had something on her mind."

"Something on her mind?"

"Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but she did seem preoccupied. Which only makes her more attractive."

Ikegawa looked at Rinko with that same kind of gaze, and it irritated Kuki a little.

Kuki changed the subject and asked about his work.

Ikegawa said the culture centers had been expanding rapidly lately, and competition was fierce.

Fortunately, the center where Ikegawa worked had some name recognition, so it could still hold on.

If it wanted to win in that competition, though, it would have to change its management style from the ground up.

Today he had come into the city to discuss exactly that problem with headquarters.

"Anyway, everything is hard these days. Compared with that, your place sounds comfortable."

"Not necessarily..."

A job with a lot of free time had its own difficulties. But if Kuki said that directly, it would sound like complaining.

So he did not say any more, and Ikegawa sighed. "At a company, whether you're busy or idle, the pay isn't all that different."

That was true. Compared with before, Kuki had only lost his position allowance; his total salary had not changed all that much.

"Honestly, I don't want to be sitting around like this either."

"I know. I should probably be more like you, just muddle through work well enough and enjoy the taste of love with a woman I like."

"Don't be ridiculous. It's nothing like what you imagine."

"Men work themselves to the bone so they can find a good woman and make her theirs. That's the common law of nature. The male animal struggles to catch prey and defeat rivals, and in the end it's all to win the female's body. That's why they fight life and death over it."

Kuki was worried the other customers might overhear, but Ikegawa kept going: "Maybe you've rubbed off on me. Lately I've suddenly wanted to fall in love. I really want to have a romance with an outstanding woman. But age doesn't forgive you. I'm just fantasizing."

"No, it's the opposite, really. It's when you get older that you start thinking that way."

"Still, if I keep living like this, I feel like I've forgotten something terribly important in my life."

Ikegawa was the kind of man who threw himself completely into work.

Back when he was in the social affairs department, he only ever talked about current events, politics, and social issues, never anything erotic.

To Kuki's mind, he had been a blunt, tough man with no polish at all.

So hearing him say he wanted to fall in love made Kuki feel as if the man sitting across from him was not Ikegawa at all.

Was that sudden change because he now worked in a place crowded with women, like the culture center? Or was it, as he himself claimed, simply age?

"I don't think I can do it."

A moment after announcing that he wanted to fall in love, Ikegawa was already saying something this weak and defeatist.

"You know, falling in love takes a fair amount of energy and courage to begin with."

Kuki knew that all too well.

"In the end, the position of a company employee is just too harsh. If you've been demoted, that's one thing, but even if you haven't been reduced to that level, even if you're not exactly a core man but still technically on the line, if something like an affair gets exposed at a time like this, it'll turn into a spectacle. Japanese society is full of jealousy and slander."

"The more capable you are, the less freedom you have."

"Money and free time are the first things you need to find a woman. Without money, you can't even relax."

Then Ikegawa laughed. "And you're loaded."

"Not really."

Kuki denied it out loud, but his circumstances were better than those of most men his age.

His annual income was close to twenty million yen. He still owned the Setagaya house his parents had left him. His only daughter was already married. And his wife worked at a pottery factory, so money was not tight at all.

He would gladly spend whatever was needed on Rinko. By then, Ikegawa had filled his glass again, and the sake shone clear and amber-colored.

As Kuki turned the cup in his hand, Rinko's white body came back to him again.

"I'm really jealous of your energy."

Ikegawa's tone was sour, obviously referring to sex.

"You must get pretty close every time you meet."

Kuki said nothing. He did not want to answer that question. Ikegawa went on, "Unfortunately, I have no luck with that sort of affair."

"And with your wife?"

"You don't need to ask. That has been over for a long time. What about you?"

Kuki shook his head.

"Same here. By the time you reach our age, your wife becomes more like a friend. You just don't have that feeling anymore."

"What about outside the marriage?"

"I've thought about it, but it hasn't gone as smoothly for me as it has for you. Leaving aside the fact that I haven't met the right person, honestly, I don't have much confidence in myself either."

"There's always something fresh about it, though."

"That's true. For someone like you who uses it all the time, there shouldn't be a problem. I doubt it would be that easy for me."

"It's not like that at all."

"Well, once you get to a certain age, it doesn't really matter anymore. Once you make peace with it, you stop caring. Still, if it goes on too long, you start not feeling like a man anymore."

Ikegawa drained his glass and said, "Seems like finding a good woman makes all the difference."

Ikegawa was a little off that night. All evening long he kept going on about men and women. Kuki did not know whether that was because he was worn out from work or because there was no suitable person around to talk to about such things.

Kuki was thinking of leaving, but Ikegawa ordered another drink and asked tentatively, "What about her husband? He must know about you two, right?"

"I don't know."

"You've got guts," Ikegawa said, taking a sip. "He might suddenly show up at the office and accuse you of doing something to his wife. You know he's a doctor, right?"

"You told me that from the start."

"Doctors usually aren't all that weak in that department. He seems to be a bit lacking, though. What a coward. Even knowing his wife is having an affair, he puts on a brave face and stays silent. Maybe he really is impotent."

"Don't start guessing."

"Really, most impressive men are like that. High IQ, sure, but their performance in bed is often no good."

"Maybe."

"Still, he'll find out sooner or later, and then it will be a real problem." Ikegawa tried to scare Kuki. "So just keep this woman as a light romance."

"A light romance?"

"Yeah. Like light music. Easygoing."

Maybe it was jealousy over not having a girlfriend, but Ikegawa was speaking about Kuki and Rinko's affair with great interest.

"Maybe he's actually an incredible man."

"What do you mean, incredible?"

"His wife is cheating on him, and maybe he has a woman of his own on the side. The two of them might both know perfectly well and just go on being husband and wife without trouble."

Kuki glanced at his watch, cut the conversation short, and settled the bill.

If he stayed any longer, he would end up as Ikegawa's drinking companion bait.

Three days after that drink with Ikegawa, Kuki met up with Rinko at Shimbashi Station, and the two of them took the train to Kamakura together.

He had expected the evening rush to be packed, but luckily they were able to sit side by side in a brand-new first-class car.

The train was filled almost entirely with commuters heading from Kamakura to Tokyo, and most of them looked like older people with respectable positions. The only man and woman sitting together were the two of them, and thankfully they did not run into anyone they knew.

"I'm glad we get to go together again."

Kuki thought she meant the two of them going to see Noh together, but Rinko was talking about something else.

"I told you about that woman my high school classmate Itsumi is dating, right? The one who studied in the United States?"

"You mean the woman who used to go out with a company president whose firm was publicly listed?"

"Yes. She broke up with him recently."

"His wife found out?"

"No. That man was extremely careful. Whenever the two of them went to Kyoto or Hong Kong, they would sit apart. When they rode the Shinkansen, they took different cars. And when they flew, they would deliberately take separate flights. What good is it if one person sits in first class? They might as well sit together in economy."

"It was to avoid those annoying magazine reporters."

"That too, but it's so lonely traveling separately everywhere. What's the point of a trip like that? She really liked him, but she just couldn't stand it anymore..."

"So they broke up?"

"I saw her a week ago, and she said she'll never love that kind of man again."

Rinko's friend had a point, but the president's feelings were easy enough to understand too.

That's right, on their last trip to Kamakura and on this one too, Kuki had been sitting right beside Rinko.

Of course he had been worried about that, but since Kamakura was not far from Tokyo, if someone saw them and took them for acquaintances traveling together, that would be enough to get by.

Besides, somewhere in Kuki's subconscious there was a certain attitude of indifference. After all, he had already been pushed to the sidelines, so this could hardly do him any worse.

Even Kuki would have thought carefully about it if he had to take the Shinkansen to Kyoto or fly overseas. He would not go so far as that company president, who even took different train cars or deliberately staggered their flights and still sat together pretending not to know each other.

All this trouble comes from how sensitive Japanese society is about relations between men and women.

In other words, there are too many busybodies. Setting aside mistakes on the job, if a man has a lover on the side, it can get him demoted or become a handicap when personnel changes come around, so he has to stay on guard everywhere.

In short, from the media to the inside of companies, everyone is straining to dig up salacious stories, and men are left walking on eggshells.

On the surface they look perfectly serious, but inside their desires are repressed and warped, and they lose that free, easy vitality.

Little by little, society turns into a dangerous place where jealousy and smear campaigns run wild.

The business world is calling for deregulation right now, but what really needs loosening is the way men and women interact, Kuki was daydreaming boundlessly when Rinko put her right hand on his left.

'Wherever we go, you come with me. Isn't that wonderful?' Rinko squeezed his hand tightly. 'That's the thing I love about you.'

He was delighted that the woman he loved was showing him affection, but holding hands on a crowded train was too conspicuous, so Kuki pulled his hand away, admiring Rinko's boldness in his heart.

By the time the train reached Kamakura, it was already after seven in the evening. They took a taxi straight to Daito-no-miya. A torchlit Noh performance had already begun on the temporary stage inside the temple grounds.

Kuki showed his admission ticket and was guided to his seat. Afraid of blocking other people's view, he stayed hunched over all the way to the front right side of the stage and sat down.

They were performing the kyogen piece 'Kiyomizu.' The servant boy Taro does not want to draw water, so he is dressing up as a demon to scare his master.

Though it was already autumn, it did not feel cold. A cool breeze came now and then from the dense trees around the temple, and the bonfire to the west of the stage glowed red and bright against the darkness.

In the dark, the demon appeared again. The master had seen through the servant boy Taro's trick and did not panic; in the end he ripped off the fake mask, and the servant fled in disgrace.

Rinko smiled as she watched the easy-to-follow kyogen and took Kuki's hand again.

This time they were under the night sky. Kuki tightened his grip on her hand, and Rinko leaned close and whispered, 'Shall we stay in that room again tonight?'

She meant the room where the two of them had played around together while watching the sunset half a month earlier.

'More or less...'

'How about playing demon tonight?'

'You mean the man gets to be the demon?'

'Just like they did in the play just now...'

Kuki did not know how to answer, and then the performance started again.

This time it was the Noh play 'The Cormorant Keeper.' It begins with a traveling monk asking to stay the night at a house in a village.

Unlike kyogen, Noh has very little movement. As Kuki watched, his thoughts drifted back to what Rinko had just said.

Lately Rinko had been showing tastes that were a little out of the ordinary. It wasn't enough to call her perverse, but a mild sadistic streak beyond the normal range made her even more alluring.

Maybe watching the demon's face had made her think of that sort of thing. Kuki glanced at her and saw the left side of her face lit red by the bonfire.

After the torchlit Noh ended, it was already past nine. The lights on the stage went out, the bonfire died, and the surroundings were plunged into total darkness.

Kuki wanted to escape that lonely place as quickly as possible, so he went to the road, got into a taxi, and headed for a small ryotei on Komachi-dori.

Long ago, an editor who lived in Fujisawa had told him that writers such as Kobayashi Hideo used to come often to this little place.

Inside, a long counter ran down the middle. There were tatami rooms in back as well, but the place was best suited to drinking in front of the counter with a like-minded friend.

Kuki had not been there for three years, and he was surprised that the owner still remembered him. He and Rinko started with a beer.

Kuki had always remembered the place's distinctive flavor, and the atmosphere was so relaxed that it did not feel awkward bringing a woman there.

Kuki ordered stewed tiger fish, sashimi of local Kamakura shrimp, and a house-style crucian carp stew.

Since they did not have to go home tonight, Rinko relaxed, stopped drinking beer, and switched to sake.

'In the old days, Noh under the pines was performed only by torchlight, wasn't it?' Rinko asked. When they had just watched the torchlit Noh, there were stage lights on.

'The Kamakura torchlight Noh performances have been held nearly forty times now. In the old days, what the samurai watched was a little different from what it is today. Back then there were no electric lights like now. Just like in Kyoto, when the giant bonfire characters are lit and the streetlamps and neon are all switched off, the whole town falls into darkness, with only red flames burning over the hills. The sight is so solemn and magnificent that people cannot help but press their palms together in prayer. Torchlight Noh is also staged with a moat of water around the stage, and the bonfires flickering in the wind reflected in the water create an effect far more mysterious and sensuous than anything we feel today.'

'So the demons looked even more frightening back then?' Kuki nodded, remembering Rinko's earlier remark about wanting him to dress up as a demon and torment her at night.

After watching the torchlit Noh and eating dinner, they realized it was already past ten. Kuki had the restaurant call them a car, settled the bill, and stepped out of the place.

In sharp contrast to the lively atmosphere inside, outside was a pitch-black night surrounded by mountains, and the rich presence of nature made them aware that they were indeed in Kamakura.

The direction of Daito-no-miya, which had been so lively and fiery a little earlier, was now utterly quiet and still.

It took only ten minutes to get from Komachi-dori to the inn, with nobody around the entire way.

After they took a room at the front desk and got the key, it was, sure enough, the same room as last time.

As soon as they stepped inside and caught sight of the wide double bed in the suite, Rinko unconsciously leaned against Kuki, and Kuki wrapped his arms around her and fell onto the bed with her.

'At last it's only the two of us.'

From the train ride to the performance to the restaurant, there had always been other people around. Only now was she finally free, and Rinko's heart at last felt calm.

'I'm a little drunk...'

'Even better.'

'Why?'

'You just look even more irresistible.'

Rinko made a mock-resentful face. Kuki pulled her into his arms, kissed her, and started undoing the buttons on her top, but Rinko kept shaking her head.

'Wait. I'm going to take a shower.'

'No need. This is fine...'

'No. I'm covered in sweat.'

'I don't mind.'

What Kuki wanted now, what he ached for, was exactly the thing Rinko felt shy about.

'No...'

Rinko struggled again, but by now it was too late.

By this point a woman had already fallen into a man's net. No, more accurately, the man had been caught in the woman's net.

Feeling Rinko's slick, warm body, Kuki leaned close to her ear and said, 'Tonight I'm going to give you a real hard time.'

'No, no, I don't like that.'

'Didn't you say you wanted me to turn into a devil and torment you?'

Rinko kept shaking her head stubbornly.

'I've really been kind of twisted lately.'

That was not only Rinko's feeling. Kuki felt the same and nodded in the dark.

Kuki wrapped his left arm around the woman's upper body and let his right hand slide from the back of Rinko's neck down her back, then from her waist to her full, rounded ass.

He stroked slowly down her spine with a touch that was almost imperceptible, as if it barely touched her at all.

That gentle, stealthy almost-touch rubbed at the woman's senses and made them sharper still.

His fingertips caressed her again and again, and when his hand moved once more from her waist to the center of her ass, Rinko let out a cry. She could not take it anymore.

'I don't want this...'

What had started as comfort suddenly turned into an unbearable, maddening itch.

But the man did not stop. He was no longer that sweet man; he had turned into a devil, taking control of her.

Only then did Rinko realize, as if waking from a dream, that the man holding her was a devil.

At last, freed, Rinko let out a long breath, stretched out her limbs, and then suddenly clenched her fist and started pounding Kuki's chest.

'You're horrible. Completely rotten!'

At first it had seemed like tender caresses, but then she discovered that every nerve in her body had been teased awake and turned into a shuddering torment.

But by the time she wanted to blame him, it was too late.

It was Rinko who had said, 'Turn into a devil and torment me.' Kuki had only carried out her orders.

It would make no sense to make a request, have it faithfully carried out, and then resent the result.

'You really are awful...'

Rinko kept muttering as she turned her back and pulled the sheet over herself. It looked as if she did not want this mischievous man anywhere near her, as if she did not know that a naked woman on a bed has nowhere to run.

Once the devil who had driven a woman's body into a corner slid up behind her again, he whispered into the ear of the woman whose breathing had only just begun to settle, 'Your punishment isn't over yet.'

'What are you going to do...'

Rinko asked the obvious question, though she already knew perfectly well what came next.

Recently Kuki's way of fucking women had become very different from before.

In the past, when he was around thirty or younger, he knew only how to push hard and forcefully. After forty, with his energy declining, he became gentler. Now, in his fifties, he had learned steadier techniques, giving more importance to taking his time and to gentle caresses than to violent motion.

One reason was simply that he no longer had the abundant stamina of youth. Another was that he had learned this was more easily accepted by women.

In fact, it was not as though the rougher and more reckless you were, the better it was. Slow and gentle, with the occasional deliberate edge of frustration for the other person, worked better. After twenty years of experience, he had finally found his way into this path.

Women often say they like gentle men, and that does not mean gentle in appearance, but men whose actions are gentle.

Now Rinko was experiencing that gentleness for herself, and she was almost melting into the provocative, bewitching sensations it stirred up.

'I can't...'

Rinko seemed to have reached the peak of her impatience. If she waited even one more minute, she would explode on her own and climb to pleasure by herself.

At that razor's edge, she finally managed to squeeze out, 'Hurry up...'

The voice sounded both like a plea and like a spoiled complaint. The boiling, surging sensation inside her body gave her a look of pain, impatience, and despair.

Men who are not fully satisfied by sexual pleasure pay more attention to the various reactions surrounding it than to the act itself.

That is, the posture, voice, and expression of the woman they love when she is burning with desire.

Those change endlessly, like a kaleidoscope, all the way to the end.

Only by understanding and feeling all of that can a man achieve satisfaction in both body and mind.

Even though the man now held the advantage of making her wait, the moment he accepted the woman's demand he became, in an instant, her sacrifice, an existence greedily consumed by her.

So when a man is in the stronger position, he should put on as much of a show as possible and keep the woman waiting.

That was something the younger Kuki had not understood. When he was young, as long as the other person was willing, he would plunge in at once in a frenzy, never caring about the woman's feelings and only struggling to satisfy himself.

In short, back then he relied only on his abundant energy, and he had no confidence in whether he could satisfy a woman. He never asked them directly, but perhaps there were some who were not only unsatisfied but even dissatisfied.

Whether it was fortunate or unfortunate, Kuki no longer had that old, bull-like violence of youth.

But what he lacked in force he could make up for with a gentler, slower understanding. Now, drawing on the easy confidence that came with age, Kuki was tightly joined with Rinko, who was blazing hot.

That was the most pleasurable moment for a man. To reach it, a man served a woman with every consideration he could offer, pouring in a great deal of time, money, and labor simply to share that exquisite instant together.

Even so, Kuki, even now, was still desperately holding himself in check.

Watching the woman he adored burn like fire gave a man even more of a sense of superiority and satisfaction than sinking into pleasure himself.

Though the strength of his youth was gone, he had gained some techniques of calm self-control. Perhaps that was the price, or the result, of losing his once robust body.

Kuki used that hard-won result to bring Rinko to the edge first while still managing to restrain himself.

When it comes to sex, being younger is not necessarily better. A man's excitement is closely tied to his brain and is entirely governed by his mental state. Any fear, anxiety, or lack of confidence leads to failure.

In youth one may have stamina, but more often than not one lacks mental confidence.

Kuki knew that from experience.

When he first joined the company, he had once been involved with a woman five years older than he was. She had been an unsuccessful stage actress in the past, had worked in a Shinjuku bar, and was said to have been close to a director known as a womanizer when she was still in show business.

She and that man had long since broken up, but whenever Kuki slept with her, he always thought of that man.

What was maddening was how easily men got hung up on pride or self-respect, always wanting the woman in their arms to praise them as more skillful and more satisfying than the man before.

But the more he thought that way and tried to work toward it, the more anxious and deflated he became.

What men often call 'male consideration' refers to exactly this: compared with green young men, carrying yourself with ease and confidence in front of a woman is an extremely effective weapon.

Whenever Kuki shared a bed with that actress, he was always so frustrated that he could not get going, his body refusing to obey him. The young flesh had been defeated by an imagined womanizer.

Fortunately, that woman was admirable in her attitude. While soothing Kuki's frustration and shrinking self-confidence, she always did her best to help him recover it gently.

If she had looked bored or laughed at him then, Kuki would very likely have lost his confidence and developed a sense of inferiority.

From this, one can see that a man is shaped by a woman, or rather, nurtured by her.

The force that now made Kuki burn Rinko was, at root, something those women had cultivated in him.

Reaching climax at the same time as a woman is certainly good, but watching a woman move step by step toward the peak has its own wonderful appeal.

The first is to sink into one's own pleasure, while the second is the joy of having the initiative and sending the woman you love into bliss, fully satisfying her.

Rinko could not know the subtle stirrings in the man's mind, and was completely absorbed in the lingering afterglow of pleasure.

At moments like this, a woman's posture is at its most defenseless, its most vivid and alluring, with not a trace of tension, restraint, or resistance.

Completely focused on savoring that pleasure, she lay limply on the bed as if lightly anesthetized.

That relaxed, obedient posture was wonderfully beautiful.

As he looked on, desire for the woman rose up in him all at once.

A woman exposing herself so without defenses was itself proof of complete trust and attachment to him. How could a man remain unmoved in the face of such a woman?

Kuki suddenly put his arm around Rinko's shoulders.

Rinko's body was still sweaty, still hot. He held her tightly and stroked her back, asking softly, 'Does it feel good?'

Though he knew the answer already, the man still wanted it confirmed in words.

After the woman honestly admitted it, the man asked, 'How does it feel?'

Rinko made a face as if it was hard to say, and the man, in a fit of pique, reached out again.

'No...'

Rinko tried to push his hand away, but her body would not listen, and the fire in her began to rise again.

The way a woman's body can become aroused again is astonishingly fast. Just a moment ago she had seemed like seaweed washed up onto the shore by the waves, scattered in sprays of foam, and now she had already come back to life and was seeking even greater pleasure.

After another round of rolling, tumbling ecstasy, the two of them felt even closer. Their hearts were filled with a calm, clear serenity at being so intimately exposed to one another.

Kuki lay on his back, while Rinko turned slightly onto her side, resting her head on Kuki's shoulder. Kuki suddenly asked, 'Can I ask you something?'

'About what?'

Maybe because she was too exhausted, Rinko's voice was a little slurred.

'Well, between you and him...' Kuki could not bring himself to say the words 'your husband.' 'Do you still do this?'

'What kind of question is that.'

Rinko's tone suddenly grew serious. 'I told you long ago that there was none of that anymore.'

'Then before that?'

Rinko said nothing. She did not want to answer. Kuki knew he was asking too much, but he still could not stop himself from wanting to know.

'Wasn't it this good?'

'Of course not...' Rinko replied lightly.

Kuki again pictured Rinko's husband, the excellent doctor. It was hard to believe that such a man could not satisfy his wife.

'Is that true?'

'He is very indifferent to that sort of thing.'

'But he really is outstanding.'

'Those are two different things.'

Kuki had until now resented the fact that Rinko's husband was a professor at a medical school, but now it seemed those labels had nothing to do with sex.

In the real world, men with status and money do indeed have an advantage and power. Those are things you can see and touch, so people recognize them.

And yet there is one more thing to add: superiority in sex, which is another aspect of manhood that cannot be ignored.

That side of it is not easy to see from the outside, so each person can only guess.

If you want confirmation, the best thing is to ask a woman who has been involved with the man. Even then, you may not get a clear answer.

In the end, you can only feed suspicion with imagination.

He had just received Rinko's clear answer. Though she had not gone into detail, it was certain that Kuki was better than her husband.

'That's great.'

Just from Rinko's attitude, he had already guessed as much. Now that he had her confirmation in so many words, Kuki was completely reassured.

'At first, I thought I was done for.'

'Why?'

It was not something he could explain in one or two sentences.

When he first heard about Rinko's husband, he felt his chances were grim. Setting social status aside, his financial means were inferior to the other man's, and on top of that the man was younger.

Knowing he was no match and yet refusing to give up the attack came from his being so overwhelmed by Rinko's charm that he was willing to risk defeat without hesitation.

Looking back now, it seemed that very recklessness had paid off.

Kuki could not match Rinko's husband in status or money, but he had the advantage in sex.

Between a husband blessed with status and money, only to have his wife stolen, and a man at a disadvantage in money and rank, yet who steals another man's wife, which one is really the winner? It is hard to judge immediately, but as the latter, Kuki was more than satisfied.

Sex really was an astonishing thing, Kuki thought with a faint sense of wonder.

What men and women did was not all that different from one person to the next. From the structure of their bodies to the way the act was completed, the process itself was the same.

And yet within that act there were so many variations in quality and response, so many differences, that no two couples were ever exactly alike.

Perhaps the more advanced a species became, the more complex and varied its forms grew. Humans stood at the very top of the ladder, so of course they would produce all kinds of endlessly inventive variations.

From the first meeting between two people, to falling in love, to kissing, to joining their bodies, and then to parting ways, ten men would have ten different approaches, and ten women ten different tastes.

In the end, you could say sex was culture.

Men and women, every one of us, from birth to adulthood, revealed everything we had been given by education, upbringing, experience, and instinct in the setting of sex, stripped bare without disguise.

The trouble was, sex was not something you could learn from books or at school.

Of course, by reading books about sex, you could get a rough idea of male and female anatomy and function, but there was a gulf between book knowledge and reality.

When it came to sex, each person still had to feel it and understand it through actual experience.

To put it plainly, on this subject there were things even graduates of the most prestigious universities, however intelligent they might be, did not understand. On the other hand, there were people with little or no schooling who understood it perfectly well.

From that point of view, sex was the least class-bound, the most democratic thing there was.

While he was lost in these wandering thoughts, Rinko muttered, "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing in particular. I was just thinking how lucky I am to have met you..."

When Kuki finished speaking, he pulled Rinko into his arms and, with her incredibly gentle, lush body against him, drifted into a deep sleep.